Nothing describes my journey so far as accurately as the title from Julia Middleton’s
book “If that’s leading, I’m in”, and perhaps it also highlights my motivation for
taking part in the expedition in the first place. A brief overview of me, I work in the
oil and gas industry as a field engineer in remote locations deploying services that
eventually result in the production of oil and gas resources. The sector is known for
its male-centric roots, a culture that is gradually evolving, making space for women
and inclusivity in general, however, it still has a long and arduous road to travel.
Simply put, I have always identified as a leader, even though that word has felt
restrictive at times. It is only recently that I have started to question myself regarding
the basis and purpose of my leadership. More to the point, as I have evolved and
grown in my workplace, I realized the way I lead my team was vastly different from
the cookie-cutter behavior of leaders you expect to see. My drivers and motivations
were different, more EQ-driven yet results-oriented. Less cut-throat; more
concerned with diplomacy and fair play. Yet whenever I would vocalise this, I was
mostly met with disbelief or dismissal. I knew gender stereotypes played a huge role
in this reaction, but I never quite realized how detrimental these biases were before
embarking on the expedition .
Having started this journey and going through Julia Middleton’s book (a Godsend and
a must-read!) while attending the wonderful bi-monthly sessions, I did not expect it
to be as enlightening as it has been. This intimately safe space for women from such
diverse age groups, backgrounds, lifestyles, and professions baring their souls to
virtual strangers is the epitome of women banding together and creating something
beautiful – in this case a bubble of leaders leading.
When I say Essence, it is simply put, the core of what makes you, you. At the time of
writing this blog post, while we are knee-deep in Elements (what makes you lead a
certain way) it was Essence that really created ripples inside me. My clashing
leadership style and the confusion that ensued were suddenly explicable with my
introduction to and understanding of Motherness. Of course, that word doesn’t exist
in the dictionary, but no one ever said that invented words carried any less meaning.
Having a term that easily embodies a more centered style of leadership that is
feminine and deeply grounded in maternal instincts makes me no longer feel odd
and uncomfortable with my overreaching empathy. I have slowly accepted these
traits as a part of me and I understand this is what I bring to the table (this table has
infinite space by the way – for everyone!).
Seeing as I am at the crux of a career change and will soon be leading an operations
team, I have already started to use some of my reflections by implementing them
into my new role each day. I have been focusing on leading with compassion, but
also with strength – by a rule book but also by giving people the freedom to come
into their own. I can’t wait for what else this journey will bring in the next 4 months,
but what I do know for certain is I shall not be the same leader I started as, and I will
be a better leader as a result.
